Over the past two weeks, we’ve been looking at the top layer of myDAWN Leadership Cake Framework: the pressures and expectations women leaders are asked to carry.

First, we looked at what happens when the job quietly becomes bigger than the job description. Then we asked what happens when“she can handle it”becomes the reason even more gets added.

This week, I want to look at something less visible:

Who is expected to carry the room?

You know the person. She notices that two people have stopped talking to each other. She realizes the new employee isn’t finding her footing. She senses morale has shifted before anyone says it out loud. She checks on the employee who seems unusually quiet, mentors the emerging leader, and finds a way to say the difficult thing without damaging the relationship.

That is leadership.

But is everyone's leadership expectation equally?

There is the work — and then there is the work around the work

Imagine a leadership team moving through a difficult change.

One leader is responsible for the plan, deadlines, and results. But she also becomes the person colleagues come to when they are worried, frustrated, or unsure. She notices who has gone quiet, checks on the person struggling with the change, and helps repair tension before it becomes something bigger.

None of that may appear in her job description. Yet everyone has begun to depend on her to do it.

That is the relational standard.

In the DAWN Leadership Cake Framework, this is the expectation that, in addition to producing results, a woman will also mentor, absorb emotion, smooth conflict, remember the human details, maintain relationships, and help hold the culture together.

These are valuable leadership behaviors. The problem begins when they becomean additional standard she is expected to meet.

Because caring really does matter

I don’t want the message here to be that women should care less. Quite the opposite.

Trust-building, empathy, communication, and genuine attention to people are leadership skills that help teams function.

We saw that especially clearly during COVID. Research by Jack Zenger and Joseph Folkman found that women were rated more positively than men on many leadership competencies during the crisis, and employees reporting to women showed higher engagement. Communication and sensitivity to employee stress were among the behaviors that stood out.

When people were frightened and uncertain, those relational skills looked a lot less “soft.”

They looked like leadership.

So the question is not,How do women stop doing the people stuff?

It is:

If these capabilities matter so much, why aren’t we developing and expecting them from every leader?

A strength can quietly become an expectation

A 2026Social Science & Medicinestudy of 43,850 workers found that women experienced higher emotional-labor demands than men even within the same occupations. Work stress also helped explain the connection between those demands and lower well-being.

Sometimes we explain the pattern by saying,She’s just better with people,orPeople feel more comfortable coming to her.

Maybe they do.

But a strength can quietly become an expectation.

Because she is approachable, everyone brings her the problem. Because she is empathetic, she absorbs the emotion. Because she notices tension, she becomes the person expected to repair it.

Eventually, something the organization deeply values can become work it barely notices.

And there is an opportunity cost

Relational leadership takes real capacity.

Time spent absorbing tension, repairing relationships, reassuring people, or becoming the person everyone comes to is time that cannot also be spent thinking strategically, creating, building external relationships, or preparing for what is next.

That does not make the relational work less important.

It makes it important enough toaccount for.

If organizations depend on these behaviors for trust, engagement, and culture, they cannot quietly rely on a few women to provide them for everyone else.

Keep the strength. Share the responsibility.

A countermeasure leaders can use now

Before we get to the Drains and Supports layers of the Cake, here is one thing leaders can do immediately:

Ask who is carrying the relational work on your team.

Who notices when something is off? Who mentors? Who checks in? Who handles the emotional aftermath of a difficult decision? Who repairs conflict? Who keeps people connected during change?

Then ask whether those capabilities are being developed across the leadership team or simply relied upon in the same few people.

Women do not need to care less. Organizations need more leaders willing and able to carry their share of the human work.

Questions to carry into the week

• Who do people turn to when something feels difficult, personal, or relational on your team?

• Are relational leadership skills being developed and expected across your leadership team, or primarily relied upon in a few people?

• What strategic or creative work may be getting crowded out because one leader has become the person everyone depends on relationally?

A leader can be extraordinarily gifted with people and still need her capacity protected for the work only she can do.

Your Fall Cake Takeaway

This week’s Fall Cake takeaway will help leaders identifywho is carrying the relational expectations on the teamand where those responsibilities may need to be developed and shared more intentionally.

Use it with your leadership team to ask not only,Who is good at this?but:

Who else needs to become good at this?

WHO IS EXPECTED TO CARRY THE ROOM?

Before you finish your morning cup

The women leaders I know don’t want permission to care less.

Their ability to understand people, build trust, notice what others miss, and strengthen relationships is often part of what makes them exceptional leaders.

But a gift should not quietly become an organizational requirement that one person carries for everyone.

Caring is leadership. Trust-building is leadership. Paying attention to people is leadership.

If those things matter enough to strengthen teams and engagement, they should be developed and expected across leadership, not quietly outsourced to the women who happen to be good at them.

So perhaps this week’s question is:

Who is leading the work — and who is also being expected to carry the room?

Warmly,
Dawn

Research Notes

Jack Zenger and Joseph Folkman’s 2020 analysis of leadership assessments during the COVID-19 crisis found women were rated more positively than men on many leadership competencies, while employees reporting to women also showed higher engagement. Their findings highlighted interpersonal skills including communication and sensitivity to employee stress.

A 2026Social Science & Medicinestudy analyzing 43,850 workers found that women experienced higher emotional-labor demands than men even within the same occupations, with work stress mediating the relationship between those demands and well-being.